Jon Paul Burkhart Talks About Producing Short Films

by Kathryn Graham

I’m back with multi-talented writer, actor, producer, and director  Jon Paul Burkhart. He has a ton of credits to his name in all of these arenas, and he’s played roles on many popular shows like This is Us, Castle, American Horror Story, Parks & Recreation, and most recently GLOW.

His latest role is as one of the villainous leads in Sick For Toys: a psychological thriller that he co-produced with his partner David Gunning.

In Part One, we talked about his new film Sick for Toys and his role in it as both an actor and producer. This time, I talk to Jon Paul about producing short films and how we writers can make our own too!


You write and produce short films. Would you be able to tell me how you do that? How others might do it? What would you do differently?

Jon Paul: I would not use my own money for one. But I did. Well, you know when you want to get something made, and no one wants to pay for it… I never intended to be a filmmaker. I didn’t call myself that until the short right before this movie, because I thought: “Oh, I guess I am.”

I made my first short film with my now partner David Gunning. It’s about a man who tests positive for HIV. It’s his first day with this knowledge. How he interacts with people that don’t know who he sees every day. It’s called Stigma.

I wrote it because I had a friend who tested positive for HIV. I was there when it happened, and as you can imagine, it really affected me. As an artist, I wanted to say something about it. I got pushed by several friends to write it as a short. They were like: “You can write it, sure!”

So my friend, who wanted to remain nameless, he read pages for authenticity, and then we made the film. I never expected to love making something so much.

Then the film did really really well in festivals. People just wanted to see it. We played Side by Side Festival in St. Petersburg, Russia in 2015, where people were getting fines like $15,000 for showing any LGBT film or being gay. It was kind of neat, so it was like: “Yeah, take that!”

That’s what started me making films. My partner, David Gunning, he is half-Asian, and he wrote a piece about racism. So our first two films are very socially conscious. We loved doing that. We have to get back to doing that at some point soon. But right now we’re having fun with the horror genre. We’ve made a few horror short films and made a couple for hire.

For making short films: Plan. Plan plan plan plan. And get favors if you can. Also plan on spending a lot on post production.

What takes up the most money in post?

Jon Paul: I can tell you what should: editing and audio. You could say color work too, but for my money, spend it on audio and a good editor.

In terms of fundraising to create your own content, we have a lot of writers who might want to produce their own content, but they don’t know how to start. Fundraising is a big part of that. What do you do for that?

Jon Paul: We have never utilized any of the crowd-funding. Our first two films we funded ourselves. Actually, that’s not true. The second film, David used Kickstarter. But since then we have not used any crowd-funding, we have just gone to friends we have who have a little more money than us and are willing to give 2-3,000 dollars. When you’re making short films, it’s not as much. You shouldn’t spend a lot on a short film, in my opinion.

As far as features, we went to private investors.  As an actor I hear ‘no’ all the time. It’s all I ever hear. So hearing ‘no’ over money is just more of the same. But you just need a couple ‘yeses’, and you can make a movie. You just have to not be afraid to ask people for money.

A lot of the time people want to know what their money is used for, and you should, as a filmmaker be able to tell them what it’ll be used for. We’re funding another project right now, and we just had a great meeting with a new investor. It helps that we’ve made and sold a feature already. I think we’re well on our way to funding our next film.

What do you do with shorts once they’re complete? There are festivals, but what’s the pinnacle of a short doing well? Getting awards?

Jon Paul: I don’t think we’ve made any money off of them. I know you can sell them online. You can put them on itunes and there’s all these aggregators who can do it now. We more or less were just making short films because we wanted to.

It was a learning experience. We knew we wanted to get into features. We kept pushing to get into features, and when one would fall through, we’d just make another short instead. It was film school for us. I was a theatre major, so I didn’t know anything about it. I learned a lot. David did too.

What would you say to a writer who wants to become a producer? Where would you start? How did you start?

Jon Paul: If you want to become a producer, find someone who’s done it before and pick their brain. Ask them anything you can think of. Just ask them to tell you about producing. I’ve had people do that to me before, and I’m like: “Okay, I’ll just start.”

When people ask me what producing is I tell them: It’s the ability to solve a lot of problems all at once really fast.

Don’t be afraid of work. If you’re a writer and you want to get into producing, have confidence in your work. Have a lot of confidence in your work. (laughs) Even if it’s misplaced.

That goes a long way. If you believe in yourself, then other people will believe in you and want to work with you. They’ll think: “Oh, he’s going to succeed!” And they want to succeed. Because they’re struggling cameramen or gaffers, etc.

Did you mostly find friends or people you knew already or did you hire folks you didn’t know?

Jon Paul: For the short films, we started off hiring people we knew, but then there’s always positions you have to fill with people you don’t know. But most of the people we worked with have become friends and they work with us on multiple projects. I guess that means we do pretty good.

On Sick for Toys, we had our main production crew from Los Angeles. I think there were six or seven of us. Then we hired the rest of the crew from Dallas, Texas and the surrounding areas. They were fantastic. Dallas is a big market for TV and commercials and the random film. Especially commercials. So their crews are fantastic. We lucked out getting a really good crew on Toys.

I love hiring people. It’s always a chance for me to meet new artists. The first AD we just worked with, he was first AD on Sick for Toys, we hired him to work on our next project because he’s great.

You mentioned you’re used to hearing ‘no’ a lot. That’s pretty much how the business is for all of us. How do you deal with it? A lot of writers and other artists can get down on themselves. Sounds like you don’t as much.

Jon Paul: Not as much as I used to. I think that’s just time.

There’s a role I went out for a couple weeks ago. I’m assuming I didn’t get it at this point. I really wanted it. I really did. I thought it was a great role for me. There are still roles that I feel connected to that I don’t get. It upsets me, but I just try to remember that there’s always going to be another great role out there that’s perfect for me. I just have to wait. It does get frustrating. I’m sure you, as a writer, understand. It’s frustrating putting yourself out there so much and most of the time just getting a: “No. No, thank you.”

I guess no matter where you are in your career, you’re still going to hear no, huh?

Jon Paul: I worked on GLOW season two a few months ago, which comes out soon. I got to talk to Alison Brie for a short second. My call time got pushed to the afternoon. I said I was happy that happened because I got to go to an audition, and I didn’t have to put it on tape. She said: “Oh, I love going in. I hate putting things on tape.”

I looked at her and I said: ”Oh, you audition?” Her eyes got really big, and she said: “For everything.”

That made me feel really good! I just assumed she’s Alison Brie. She just gets offers. But no, she reads. It’s a struggle at every level. Maybe easier the higher you get, but still a struggle.

That is comforting. Everybody’s going through the same thing.

Jon Paul: The grass is always greener.

Jon Paul Burkhart Talks About ‘Sick For Toys’ – His Upcoming Psychological Thriller

by Kathryn Graham

Jon Paul Burkhart is a multi-talented writer, actor, producer, and director. He has a ton of credits to his name in all of these arenas, and he’s played roles on many popular shows like This is Us, Castle, American Horror Story, and Parks & Recreation. 

You can look for him on the upcoming season of GLOW coming June 29th, 2018. The important thing for now, though, is that Jon Paul and I had a chat about his latest role as one of the villainous leads in Sick For Toys, a psychological thriller that he co-produced with his partner David Gunning, he said a lot of things well worth listening to.

So, now that the preamble is over:


Sick for Toys comes out in 2018. Can you tell me a little bit more about the film?

Jon Paul: Sick for Toys is a Christmas psychological thriller. It’s also a horror film. It’s about a brother and sister who live together alone and have for years. This year, Emelia invites Roy, who she randomly meets, to have Christmas dinner with her. It turns out that every year what she wants for Christmas is a toy: a man. Her brother goes and gets that man for her. This year she chooses Roy.

It’s a very twisted thriller that flips normal horror and film tropes on their head. We enjoy that about it.

Is it a dark movie or does it have a dark comedic tone? What is the tone?

Jon Paul: It’s funny you ask that. It’s dark. It’s a disturbing, creepy film. Of course, it has moments of air, where you can giggle, but we just see it as a very dark film. However, when we screened it in Dallas and in Los Angeles, we were surprised and unnerved at first how much laughter we were getting at certain points which I never found funny.

Now that we’ve seen it with another audience, I thought: “I guess that is a funny line, huh?”

It helps because it is a dark tale. It helps to have more humor in it. Also, there are moments where you laugh because you don’t know what else to do, I think. (laughs)

Like that nervous laughter?

Jon Paul: Yeah, there were a couple of those where audiences were just like: “Oh god, what am I watching?” There is some gore in the film, but all of the creepiest moments are done without gore. It’s done with music, acting, and building tension in the film-making. Which is neat. I love gore, but…

From what I’ve gathered this film fits into the current zeitgeist of what people are talking about in terms of sexual harassment and the #metoo movement. I was wondering what you’d want people to take away from it.

Jon Paul: We’ve talked a lot about that because we’ve been very curious to see how people are going to respond. There’s rape in the film.  It’s a man who’s being raped. The writer wanted to point out what it’s like when the victim is told: “You’re not the victim here. You were asking for this.” This time it’s about a man being told this, what that feels like, and how horrible that is.

We made an entertaining movie, and we want to entertain people. But if people walk away with a better viewpoint on that subject or a different viewpoint on that subject, that’s good too. But it’s not necessarily a political movie at all.

So what is it like to be an executive producer? What did you do for the film in that capacity?

Jon Paul: For starters, we found the money. Actually, we were funding a different project, a more expensive project, and this script fell in our laps. We read it, and we realized we could do it for the budget we already had. There were roles I could play, as well as my partner, David Gunning. So we decided to make the film.

As far as what goes into it: We are technically the executive producers, but I also worked as the line producer and several other kinds of producers, because we only had four producers on the project. So we did everything from getting the permits to hiring the actors and crew, vetting all the crew, etc. Basically, we put it all together. It was a lot of work, but it was really fun work.

Is there a lot of overlap as a writer and producer? Or do you find that once the writer is done with the script, it’s everyone else’s project after that?

Jon Paul: I can’t speak too much. On TV shows, there’s always a writer hanging around in case they need to rewrite something. On Sick for Toys, we were fortunate to have the writer playing a role in the film. So whenever we needed to add or change dialogue, which we did several times, he was there.

At one point I have to spout out all of these names of drugs. The writer used all of the trademarked names, and I had to learn all of these really long medical names just before we shot (laughs) – wasn’t too happy about that – but it turned out great!

Silly question: What was it like to be the pantomime horse on Parks & Rec?

Jon Paul: (laughs) Really fun. It was a really fun day. Like any job, I didn’t expect to get it. They called me three hours after I auditioned, I wasn’t even home yet, and I booked the role. I was really excited.

It was difficult in the costume. I couldn’t turn. I had to have someone behind me to carry the legs around. It was odd, but it was great working with Amy Poehler. She’s really fun and improvs. She’s sweet. It was a such fun show. Such nice people.

How can we see Sick for Toys? When is it coming out and how can we see it?

Jon Paul: It comes out to buy or to rent in September.

It was going to release in October, but we’ve had such good buzz we’re releasing earlier. It’ll be released oversees October 1st. We sold to Germany and several Asian countries.

Then it’ll be out on all streaming sites (Netflix, Hulu, Amazon) in December. We are excited to have it out.

In the meantime, check out the trailer!

Kathryn Graham Interviews Writer/Producer Bridget McManus Part 2

by Kathryn Graham

LB’S NOTE: More about how Bridget McManus got into the entertainment game and how you can too! Part 1 is HERE

(Yes, this has been a long article, but the time it takes you to read it is a very worthwhile investment in your future.)


Bridget McManus

 

“Don’t worry about making it perfect. Just make your art. After that make better art. And after that make even better art.” — Bridget McManus

Happy Wife, Happy LifeYou can tell it’s shot with three cameras. It’s edited by me. You can tell the graphics are not broadcast television. It’s not a television show. It’s shot in one location. It’s elementary, but it’s doing its job. Of course we could use a big budget and a beautiful set, so how are we doing it? We just make the content good.

Everybody wants to be critical. “This isn’t good. That isn’t good.” Who cares? Anybody who criticizes you isn’t doing their own art. Just do what you want, and the next project will always be better.

How do you monetize your work? It seems like you have the second season on YouTube and that hopefully interests people enough to go to Tello.

Bridget: Tello is like the lesbian Netflix. It’s subscription based. It’s 4.99 a month, and you get access to all the lesbian shows that you want.

I’ve worked at Tello Films since 2009 off and on. I joined them officially as their VP of Development a couple years ago. That’s not a paid role, I don’t get paid. I just care about projects, and I work with other artists to create things.

The great thing that Christin Baker, the president, has put into place is: all lesbians series cannot kill the lesbian main character. And if a woman identifies as a lesbian at the beginning of the series, she cannot end up with a man at the end of the series. If she’s bisexual, she can end up with a man. But if she’s lesbian, she can’t. Those are the rules of Tello.

So anybody who wants to be a distributor on Tello, if you have shot your own project, you can distribute it through them. They work out a deal with you where they give you a back-end. They give you a certain amount of money for whoever’s clicked on the stream.

I don’t get paid. I’m not a staff member. The only person who works at the company is Christin. I have my own subscription. I pay 54 dollars a year because I believe in it, I love that it’s all for lesbians. We’re a team and we have individual collaborators, and I’m always a staple there. Anybody who wants to work on projects can come to us. We do staged readings too.

For myself, I co-produce with Christin, so our deal is different because we split profits. Right now we’re not making an enormous amount of money. We make a little money, but we feed it back into other projects.

There’s a romantic comedy series that I wrote called Alice & Iza. We’re shooting it in July. The little bit of money we’ve made from Tello, I’m putting into that production. It’s going to star Guinevere Turner. I’m very excited about it.

It’s about a one night stand. Because sometimes people can be really open and intimate when they don’t know somebody, but when they get into a relationship, they get closed off.

So it’s going to be about everything that happens in one night, all of the sharing, and what happens when you never see that person again.

Sounds like you can get quickly into the meat of who the characters are.

Bridget: The couple that we have is Guinevere’s character Alice: her character is in her late forties. The other character is Iza, who is mid-twenties, and she’s African American. They have very different lives.

There’s definitely ageism in any relationship, so it’s like: “I’m supposed to be like this because I’m this age.” But, are you? When we’re naked and vulnerable and having a real human connection, who are we really? What’s something you’re willing to share with someone when you don’t have to look them in the eye tomorrow?

But it’s also going to be fun and playful. Sometimes people do weird things, sexually, with someone they’re not going to deal with ever again. It’s like the Prince song: ’26 positions in a one night stand’. You might go there because you don’t have to worry about intimacy or a lasting relationship. You can just walk away from it. But this one night together will change them.

Do you guys take volunteers to work on your projects at Tello? 

Bridget: We absolutely take volunteers. We did a ‘Pitch to Production’ panel at ClexaCon for two days where people pitched us their ideas. We worked on their pitches the first day, then they came back the second day to re-pitch. It was phenomenal to see how much their pitches changed from day one to two.

Then we gave the person whose pitched we liked most 1,500 dollars to make their own project. We’re developing it with them right now. The cool thing about Christin is that, we would grant the winner a production budget, but the people who don’t win still get a distribution deal.

Can you tell me a bit more about the winning pitch?

Bridget: The people who won are Jessie Gender and Ariel Sobel. Jessie’s trans. The series is called Chose.

Logline: Raised in a future ultra-progressive society, Ty’s gender, like everyone else, was not assigned at birth. It will be determined by a virtual reality experience where their masculine and feminine features are extrapolated into two different people and forced to fight to the death. Ty can’t wait to take on the stronger gender, but it all goes wrong when their masculinity and femininity are matched.

The first episode will be what’s going on in their head. The other episodes are what’s going on in the world.

Bridget, thank you so much for your advice and your dedication to helping people create their own art like you have.  It’s truly been a pleasure.


If you have any more questions for Bridget, or you want to check out all of the awesome stuff she’s done over the past ten years, you can find her at Bridget McManus.com!

Happy Wife, Happy Life: Season 3 comes out June 3rd. And the episodes shot at ClexaCon before a live audience will also be out this summer! So subscribe to One More Lesbian on Youtube to watch for free!

“Don’t Wait to Make Your Art!” – Interview with Writer/Producer Bridget McManus Part 1

by Kathryn Graham

We here at TVWriter™  particularly love all of the amazing independent creators out there and the shows they produce. Bridget McManus is the cream of the crop, and she’s got some awesome advice for newbies.

Writer, producer, actor, and director Bridget McManus is a tried and true content creation veteran. With ten years of experience under her belt, she produced and starred in the series Happy Wife, Happy Life, McManusLand, We Have Issues, and Buyer Beware. Plus, she won a Best Actor nomination at London’s Raindance Web Fest for her starring role in Maybelle, which she penned and co-produced.

You may have seen her in her recurring cameo on season 4 of the Emmy-Award winning series Transparent. She was featured in Universal’s blockbuster film Wanted, MTV’s sketch series Acting Out, the romantic comedy November Rule, and she was Queen Latifah’s sidekick on CBS’s The Queen Latifah Show.

Here’s what she’s up to lately and how you can get into the game!


There are a lot of people who want to create their own content, but don’t know how to start. Would you be able to give an idea of how to do that?

Bridget: What’s great about the internet is that you can shoot your own things and put it online. You don’t have to wait for a studio to greenlight you. So back in 2008, I started a show called Brunch with Bridget that was on afterellen.com which is a lesbian website. It got so popular it ended up getting picked up and put on Logo television, so I had a show on TV for two years from an internet show.

So what I always tell people is: if you have an idea, don’t wait for someone to give you money. Don’t wait for someone to tell you ‘yes’. Do it yourself. You can do it with your phone. You can borrow cameras. You can shoot it in your house. I always write series with whatever I have.

For Brunch with Bridget it was a show in my studio apartment. I did not have a couch. All I had was a bed that doubled as a couch. So I went: Okay, all I have is a bed, how can I make a show? I made a show where I was in bed with different female celebrities like Lena Heady and Kate McKinnon. I made it work.

Don’t worry about having to raise one hundred million dollars to make an Avengers-style movie. Just figure out what you want to do, and do the best job you can. It’s okay if it’s not perfect. People are going to criticize you. That’s fine. Don’t criticize yourself. Let something lead to something else.

For me, because I’ve always had low budgets, I just learned to do things myself. I edit my own shows. My wife does the music. She’s our music director. I did a romantic lesbian series called Maybelle, and she did all the music for that. So it’s all about trying to do the best you can and letting one thing lead to something else.

Don’t worry about making it perfect. Just make your art. After that make better art. And after that make even better art.

Let’s say somebody wanted to make a show that ordinarily would cost a lot to produce. Most of us won’t have that kind of budget. What’s your advice for that?

Bridget: My friend Stacie Ponder is amazing. She is a horror film director. When she lived in LA, we used to shoot B-grade horror movies, and we had a great time. She moved to Maine, so she had no money. So I said: I love you, and I believe in you. So I gave her a budget of 300 dollars, and she made a whole series using Barbie dolls. That’s it.

My wife and I and another friend of ours did voice over. It’s obviously not what she wanted to do, but it was a good launching point. From that little series, it has developed into something else. She had no actors in her area. She had no sets. She was like: What can I do?

I’m not saying everybody needs to make things out of dolls. But rather than making a big tent-pole movie, you can say: I’m going to raise 5,000 dollars. (That’s a lot of money. Let’s keep it real.) But you can make an amazing teaser trailer.

You can spend the money on getting the stage for a day, a green screen, a great editor, and a costume designer, and I will have a writer sit down and really go through the script, and then have it be a one minute clip of something. Make it so dynamic, thought out, and stylized, that people can see its potential. One actor on one green screen shooting one day is an example of what you can do with the money you had.

Now you can take it to investors. People can raise money on kickstarter. People can do anything these days. Work on your vision, and don’t worry about having no money. Don’t let that stop you.

You see all those movies like the Blair Witch Project, they go buy equipment and then return it 90 days later. If you have an idea, push for it. Just keep going.

Now there’s all these indie film festivals. You can put things online. It doesn’t cost anything to put something on YouTube. I make music videos. I’m a terrible singer, and I don’t know how to make music videos. I do them because they make me laugh. Just keep doing it.

We can make anything.

I love that confidence.

Bridget: My wife (Karman Kregloe) and I always talk about this. My wife was always very smart and did well in school. I was a fuck-up. I didn’t have glasses until I was fifteen. I couldn’t read. I used to get migraines. I didn’t know why. It was because I couldn’t see. I ended up being a good student, I had this idea that I was stupid my whole life.

People always said ‘no’ to me. I was heavy. People were mean to me. Because everybody always said ‘no’ to me, and nobody believed in me, I never worried about failing because I felt like I was already a failure.

My wife has always been really successful and always got good grades. When she tries to do things now, she’s too scared to do it because she’s going to fail, where I don’t worry about failing because I’ve already failed. So it doesn’t matter.


More of Kate’s convo with Ms. McManus in Part II HERE!

Kathryn Graham sees ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ & Talks About it with Co-showrunner Bridget McManus

by Kathryn Graham

Happy Wife, Happy Life is a streaming variety show that showcases how marriage is anything but the ‘old ball and chain’.

Happily married couples Bridget McManus Karman Kregloe (formerly of afterellen.com) and Cat Davis & Kristen Smith encourage you to play along as they share their opinions on everything from keeping old sex tapes with your exes to how to tell your wife she’s had a little too much to drink.

It’s kind of like The View, but a lot gayer, and it’s thoroughly enjoyable to spend time with each of these four women. It’s snappy, clever, and I laughed out loud during every episode.

Season 3 comes out on June 3rd, but in the meantime…

Check out Happy Wife, Happy Life Season 2 on YouTube.

Then you can find season 1 on Tello Films.

Happy Wife, Happy Life has been submitted for the “Outstanding Short Form Variety Series” category, and I was graciously invited to attend their For Your Consideration: Emmy Event.

I had a chat with screenwriter, producer, director and award-winning performer: Bridget McManus, and she had a lot to say about the universality of relationship quandaries — and whether or not you should argue with your in-laws on facebook.

What kind of writing is involved in Happy Wife, Happy Life? Do you have some idea of what’s going on beforehand or is it all off the cuff?

Bridget: Totally off the cuff. We have a submission e-mail account people send stuff to, so I go and vet them to make sure there’s no topic we covered before. Then I print them out, glue them to a card – I’m the one who does all the props – and then we put them in the bowl.

We don’t know what we’re going to pull. We haven’t talked about them beforehand. None of the spouses have talked about it. The only thing checked out beforehand is to make sure nothing is inappropriate or we haven’t done it already. Some things can be risqué, that’s why in season one we had safe words.

What’s your favorite thing about Happy Wife, Happy Life?

Bridget: I like that my family watches it. I’ve done a lot of series, but my family – they’re amazing – they pick and choose what they watch. I have comedy specials. I have a romantic series: Maybelle. My parents did not enjoy me rolling around in bed with somebody.

Cat’s cousins, a bunch of straight women, they drink wine, watch the show together, and debate along with us. It’s funny because it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, relationships are relationships. So people in our families who are straight or however they identify, they can give their opinions too. If you’re in a relationship with somebody, can you have sex when you’re visiting your in-laws?

Karman and I were like: Hell no. Kristen and Cat were like: Sure, if you’re in the mood. And we’re like: Are you kidding me?

We debated over whether you have to throw your sex toys away when you get into a new relationship. I was like: Absolutely. Cat was like: No, they’re expensive! I’m like: What are you talking about? You have to get new stuff! Everybody has a different opinion.

If your in-laws say something offensive on facebook, do you defend them? Or do you call them out? It’s like: Ugh, I don’t want to curse out my in-laws, but I also don’t want them to write something negative that’s going to affect other people.

What do you do? Do you make your wife deal with them? Do you have the kind of relationship with your in-laws where you can talk to them yourself? These are things that you deal with in any relationship.

Happy Wife, Happy Life recently filmed a session in front of a live audience at ClexaCon in Las Vegas. It sounded like a lot of fun. How was it being in front of a live audience instead of shooting it in the studio?

Bridget: Cat Davis and I have been friends for many years. Her wife and her have been married for two and a half years. Karman and I are celebrating ten years this year, and even though we’re similar, we’re so different in how we look at things.

On the show, we have paddle questions that say “Yes” or “No”, so we gave everybody heart shaped paddles so they could play with us. Everybody has different opinions. So to see an audience full of people that identify differently – bisexual, queer, trans, pansexual, lesbian – some of them are in long term relationships vs. short term relationships, some of them are dating casually, and to see how they all relate and then give their answers, it was very eye-opening. I loved it.

The way we shoot when it’s just us, we’re just talking. We’re not performing. But when we were there in front of an audience we found ourselves playing to the audience more. So it’s a different feel.

So here’s my question for the Merstery bowl: What is your superpower? What is your wife’s superpower?

Bridget: My wife is so magical. I call her ‘Snow White’. Woodland creatures and animals come up to her and just want to be with her because she’s so calming and loving. We joke, but it’s totally true. At night, we have two dogs and a cat, and we all lay on top of my wife, and she doesn’t move. I’m on top bear-hugging her, one dog is between her legs, the other is at her head, and the cat lays on her neck. We’re all magnetized to her.

She is the most calm, wonderful, loving person ever. I recommend her highly to everyone. If you want to borrow my wife for while, she will make your life better.

I’m the opposite. I’m a mama-bear. I’m someone who, if I hear a fire alarm, I run towards it. I’m ready to defend people and protect people, which is very different. She’s a caregiver, and I’m the fighter in the family.

Nice Xena and Gabrielle dynamic going on here.

Bridget: I mean, it’s exactly like Xena and Gabrielle. Ohmygod, I’m so gay. Yay!

My masterpiece: Karman/Gabrielle and Bridget/Xena. I’m with Kate McKinnon on this one. Bridget does look a lot like Lucy Lawless!