Category: TV Writing Deals

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/28/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Lindsay Devlin (newbie!) is adapting Rachel Cohn’s book Beta as an ABC pilot about a world where human clones serve as slaves for the wealthy, which is thrown into turmoil when the protagonist clone learns a few, you know, secrets about the society she lives in. (In other words, ABC has found a way to rip off the masterful ORPHAN BLACK. Raise your hand if you think they can carry this off even half as successfully.)
  • Philip Levens (SMALLVILLE) is writing the pilot for SINS, an ABC primetime soap about a very dangerous woman. (Don’t worry. The series has been worked out with lots more details. It’s just that we thought they were so boring that we couldn’t bring ourselves to type them.)
  • Sarah Hooper (The UK version of SHAMELESS) is adapting the Argentinian series LOS ROLDAN into an ABC comedy thing set in Miami and featuring a mostly Latin cast. (Think UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS except not really.)
  • Andrew Marlowe (CASTLE) is bringing Raymond Chandler’s classic private detective Philip Marlowe into contemporary L.A. for ABC. (Actually, he’s co-writing it with his wife, Terri Edda Miller, but for some reason her participation isn’t being blared quite as loudly as his. Hmm…)
  • Glen Morgan (THE X-FILES) is developing a supernatural thriller called THE INTRUDERS for BBC America, based on a novel of the same name by Michael Marshall Smith. (We’re looking forward to this one. The book’s gotten great reviews, and two of the producers who made the comeback of DOCTOR WHO great, Jane Tranter and Julie Gardner, are producing. Now if only RTD were aboard…)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/26/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Spike Feresten (SEINFELD) has sold MASSHOLES, an animated comedy pilot, to Fox. The series takes us through the adventures of a nerdy tweenager living in a town “full of tough guys and half-wits.” (“Jokers to the left of me, fools to the right…!” We love this idea. Hell, we love the damn title. This baby’s got W-I-N-N-E-R written all over it.)
  • Lauren Blum & Rebecca Dana (newbies) are adapting Rebecca’s memoir Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde into a half hour comedy at Fox. (So there ya go, kids. All you gots to do is write the story of you Millennial or younger life and the TV world will be your oyster. Yeppers, you heard it here!)
  • Larry Trilling (PARENTHOOD) is writing  EMPOWERED, an NBC drama pilot about badass events taking place in the pharmaceutical industry. (Cuz the evils of Big Pharma are hot now, regardless of how absolutely dull that particular biz really is. Well, except for the short-skirted sales reps who’re always hanging around doctors’ offices and…you know. They’re kinda exciting, yeah.)
  • A.M. Homes (THE L WORD) is adapting Koethi Zan’s best-seller, The Never List, in a pilot for CBS. (The book is about what happens to 4 young women who’ve been kidnapped after their rescue. Just what CBS’s audience of old codgers will love, right?)
  • Chris Downey (LEVERAGE) is writing an untitled ABC pilot about an FBI forensic psychiatrist who teams up with a brilliant pickpocket-turned-Vegas magician to work cool stings and catch baddies living it up in Vegas. (Well, at least there’s nothing generic about it. This baby’s definitely got everything pinpointed, for better or for worse.)
  • Jonathan Shapiro (THE PRACTICE) & Betsy Borns (ALL OF US) are collaborating on an ABC pilot called THE LAW OF ATTRACTION, about a beautiful and classy woman “who is forced to practice law with a charismatic, lower class tough guy.” (“Forced!” Did you hear that? Fucking “Forced!” Cuz everybody knows somebody who’s been forced to go into business with somebody who’s their direct opposite, don’tcha know? Why, we must know at least a dozen folks in that same situation in real life ourselves. What? You don’t believe us? Funny…neither do we.)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/25/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Nick Santora (we just talked about him yesterday) is writing an untitled CBS drama about a “real-life Professor X” who “recruited the world’s greatest brains…to…solve the world’s mst pressing and significant problems” while also teaching each other to, WTF, get along. (“Real-life Professor X?!” Kee-rist! We can’t stand this! We can’t! We can’t! Aargh!)
  • Corinne Brinkerhoff (THE GOOD WIFE) is writing a CW drama pilot about a young woman who is recruited by the CIA to spy on her “recently discovered biological family, a wealthy…dynasty suspected of having criminal alliances across the globe….” (WTF is wrong with these people? Do they really believe any audience will give a flying fuck?! We repeat: Aargh!)
  • Ed Helms & Graham Wagner (THE OFFICE) are writing an animated NBC pilot called MYSTERY ISLAND, which looks like it’s FANTASY ISLAND but a lot less comfortable. (What? They’re missing LOST so much that they want to redo it as a cartoon comedy? And NBC stockholders are supposed to support the salaries of its execs? (Time for another Aargh!)
  • Nicholas Wootton (GOLDEN BOY) is writing a pilot called THE SHRINE for CBS, about a hospital where miracles occur. (It’s based on a forthcoming novel by Gareth Wootton, who just happens to be Nicholas’ father. We understand and appreciate the glorious H’wood tradition that this kind of deal is based on and salute all involved for keeping the flame.)
  • Brian Koppelman & David Levien are out as showrunners for HBO’s upcoming rock and roll drame – the one created by Terence Winter, Martin Scorsese, and some dood name of Mick Jagger. (Creative differences? Already? Who’d a thunk?)
  • Shawn Ryan & Davey Holmes (THE CHICAGO CODE) have a pilot commitment at Fox for their untitled drama about Hawaii in the ’50s. (Cuz…Hawaii! The 50s! Old network commitment that’s gotta be honored! Okay, so we’re not certain about that last, but…rumors.)

Well, as y’all can see, our glorious experiment in being cool and kind has ended after only a decade. Well, it felt like a decade, for crying out loud. We’re sorry, but it’s just impossible to read these press releases about idiotic ideas and not want to throw up on the page a bit as well as in our mouths. In other words, we’ve lost the bet our girlfriend made with us about not being able to go for a week without snarking. But you’ll have to take our word for it that, as wonderful as the promised reward for success was, it wasn’t worth keeping quiet for.

And no, we aren’t going to tell you. Just imagine the most wonderful gift one person in a relationship could give another and multiply by 100…and then factor in that we’re pretty smart, if we do say so ourselves, and already have another plan on how to get it anyway. Just don’t muck that about, okay?

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/24/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Barry Schindel (UNFORGETTABLE) is writing the CBS pilot, BLACKWOOD, a drama about a lawyer whose wife is killed, changing his life much the way Richard Kimble’s life was changed in THE FUGITIVE. Except that he isn’t a fugitive.
  • Sheldon Turner (UP IN THE AIR) & KEN NOLAN (BLACK HAWK DOWN) are writing the Fox drama pilot ATLANTIS about two brothers who are, you know, searching for Atlantis. And discovering oceanic mysteries along the way, of course.
  • Nick Santora (BREAKOUT KINGS) is writing BOOTS, a military drama for The CW about recruits who “must overcome their pasts and in so doing build their futures.” And maybe they’ll get in on a little action too?
  • Jared Bush (ZOOTOPIA) & Sam Levine (WRECK-IT RALPH) are developing PENN ZERO: PART TIME HERO, an animated series for Disney XD about a kid who fights the superest of super villains every day after school.
  • Nick Osborne (credits, credits, who knows Nick’s credits?) is wrting DAMASCUS, a CBS drama series about a crusading nun whose “beliefs are tested” when she partners up with an “elitist corporate lawyer” to help those in need of justice. (Oh, God, oh, God, we’re dying to say something snarky here, but we promised, we promised. Maybe if we dig our fingernails into our palms deeply enough…)
  • Stephanie Savage (GOSSIP GIRL) is writing a limited drama series called THE ASTRONAUTS WIVES CLUB about the, um wives of astronauts in the early ’60s, when being an astronaut was way cool. Ms. Savage being the absolutely coolest writer we’ve ever met, we’re firmly on track with making nice about this one.

And thus endeth Day Three of TVWriter™’s new snarkless writing deal announcements. Big thanks to those who wrote to say that they miss the ‘tude. Big “oh, really?” to those who’ve said they like this column better without it. And a Really Big “Shhshh…” to those who’ve pointed out that we’re still being kinda asshatish, just in a different way.

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/23/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Heidi Niedermeyer & Elena Crevello (SHIT PEOPLE IN L.A. SAY) have sold their spec pilot FIFTH WHEEL, a comedy about a young woman who is the only single person in her group of friends, to NBC.
  • David Hornsby (HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN) is writing an untitled NBC comedy pilot about NASA in the fun-filled ’60s. The decade, we mean, not the age.
  • Craig O’Neill (BURN NOTICE) is writing the pilot for the CBS drama, REAL DEAL, about an ambitious female FBI agent who teams up with a wildly uncontrollable woman informant. This one’s based on an article in “Glamor” written by Emily Benedek.
  • Simon Beaufoy (SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE) has written the 10 part miniseries TELEMARK for FX.
  • Chrissy Pietrosh & Jessica Goldstein (COUGAR TOWN) are writing LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED, an ABC comedy pilot based on a book by Jenny Lawson.
  • Lisa Addario & Joe Syracuse (PARENTAL GUIDANCE) are writing another comedy pilot called RELATED for ABC. It’s about “a working-class New Jersey community where the saying ‘it takes a village’ takes on new meaning with shared mothers-in-law and unique family loyalties.”
  • Mark Levin & Jennifer Flackett (newbies!) are developing the CBS comedy THE MAN’S GUIDE TO LOVE, which is based on, um, their website of the same name.

Whew, made it through our second day of snarkless writing deal announcements. Gotta admit that it was touch and go there for awhile, especially when we had to keep our face straight about a title like LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED, and a writing credit like HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN. Not that we mean any disrespect to the writer, or to any gentlemen out there. It’s just that this is yet another credit announced with great fanfare that we, well, that we’ve never heard of.

Our Big Question today, though, is how’re we doing? Are y’all pleased with our new-found journalistic sobriety? Or are you dying for us to go back to our bad old ways? Drop a line and let us know!