Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/25/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Nick Santora (we just talked about him yesterday) is writing an untitled CBS drama about a “real-life Professor X” who “recruited the world’s greatest brains…to…solve the world’s mst pressing and significant problems” while also teaching each other to, WTF, get along. (“Real-life Professor X?!” Kee-rist! We can’t stand this! We can’t! We can’t! Aargh!)
  • Corinne Brinkerhoff (THE GOOD WIFE) is writing a CW drama pilot about a young woman who is recruited by the CIA to spy on her “recently discovered biological family, a wealthy…dynasty suspected of having criminal alliances across the globe….” (WTF is wrong with these people? Do they really believe any audience will give a flying fuck?! We repeat: Aargh!)
  • Ed Helms & Graham Wagner (THE OFFICE) are writing an animated NBC pilot called MYSTERY ISLAND, which looks like it’s FANTASY ISLAND but a lot less comfortable. (What? They’re missing LOST so much that they want to redo it as a cartoon comedy? And NBC stockholders are supposed to support the salaries of its execs? (Time for another Aargh!)
  • Nicholas Wootton (GOLDEN BOY) is writing a pilot called THE SHRINE for CBS, about a hospital where miracles occur. (It’s based on a forthcoming novel by Gareth Wootton, who just happens to be Nicholas’ father. We understand and appreciate the glorious H’wood tradition that this kind of deal is based on and salute all involved for keeping the flame.)
  • Brian Koppelman & David Levien are out as showrunners for HBO’s upcoming rock and roll drame – the one created by Terence Winter, Martin Scorsese, and some dood name of Mick Jagger. (Creative differences? Already? Who’d a thunk?)
  • Shawn Ryan & Davey Holmes (THE CHICAGO CODE) have a pilot commitment at Fox for their untitled drama about Hawaii in the ’50s. (Cuz…Hawaii! The 50s! Old network commitment that’s gotta be honored! Okay, so we’re not certain about that last, but…rumors.)

Well, as y’all can see, our glorious experiment in being cool and kind has ended after only a decade. Well, it felt like a decade, for crying out loud. We’re sorry, but it’s just impossible to read these press releases about idiotic ideas and not want to throw up on the page a bit as well as in our mouths. In other words, we’ve lost the bet our girlfriend made with us about not being able to go for a week without snarking. But you’ll have to take our word for it that, as wonderful as the promised reward for success was, it wasn’t worth keeping quiet for.

And no, we aren’t going to tell you. Just imagine the most wonderful gift one person in a relationship could give another and multiply by 100…and then factor in that we’re pretty smart, if we do say so ourselves, and already have another plan on how to get it anyway. Just don’t muck that about, okay?

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 10/18/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • Kenya Barris (THE GAME) is writing the pilot for ABC’s BLACKISH, a comedy about “an upper-middle-class black man who struggles to raise his children with some sense of cultural identity despite constant contradictions and obstacles” from the rest of the family. It’s based, of course on Kenya’s life. (At last! Something all African-American viewers can relate to!)
  • Janine Sherman Barrois (CRIMINAL MINDS) is writing the CBS pilot JIGSAW, a procedural about a unit that invesitgates San Francisco’s “most scandalous crimes” in decades. (In case anybody had stopped believing that SF is the most stereotypically decadent city in the good ole U.S.A.)
  • Evan Katz (24) is writing the pilot for Fox’s legal pilot, TRIAL OF THE CENTURY, about “a unique high-profile case.” (But is it set in San Francisco? That’s the question, right?)
  • Larry Dorf (OMG, isn’t he a fucking actor?!) is writing a Fox comedy about two “mismatched guys” who become stepbrothers when their parents get married,” presumably to each other. (Another “family comedy” that just doesn’t strike us as funny. When do we start getting more ARCHER type shows instead?)
  • Nicholas Wootton (GOLDEN BOY) has sold PRESIDENT X, a drama about “a former U.S. President who wakes up from a year-long coma and, now out of power, must hunt down the individual who tried to assassinate him. (Cuz everybody knows what man-of-action types our presidents have always been. Oh, wait…)