Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 3/1/13

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  •  Melissa Rosenberg (TWILIGHT) has signed on as showrunner for ABC’s drama, BIG THUNDER. (Which, since pilots don’t get “showrunners,” they get “Executive producers,” probably means the series, based on Disney’s (and therefore ABC’s) Big Thunder Mountain ride, is in the bag.)
  • Tyler Perry (TYLER PERRRY’S HOUSE OF PAIN, etc. ) has shifted his TBS comedy, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, to OWN, which will own the first two seasons and also produce a second. (Which is what happens when a smart, rich writer buys a network, which for all practical purposes is what Perry has done.)
  • Emily Spivey (UP ALL NIGHT) has made a deal to develop-write-produce series at 20th Century Fox TV, starting with the animated MURDER POLICE. (Which has to be in better shape than UP ALL NIGHT, which NBC seems to have totally destroyed because, well, probably because it could.)
  • Kurt Sutter (SONS OF ANARCHY) & John Shiban (HELL ON WHEELS) are developing what FX calls “an action horror drama” for the network. (Which is fine by us because it can’t be any worse than the horror of Seth MacFarlane singing, dancing, and driving all the A List stars out of the Oscars audience last Sunday night.)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/22/12

Latest News About Writers Who Are Doing Better Than We Are

  • John Leguizamo (Mr. Stand-Up, sorta) & Chris Sheridan (THE FAMILY GUY) are writing the pilot for an untitled ABC comedy based on Leguizamo’s life as a Bronx Latino now living on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. (Because Leguizamo’s last pilot script got shitcanned, but ABC and he still have this deal, so…)
  • Rene Balcer (LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT) is writing DARKNET, a kind of X-FILES meets the MATRIX thing as a pilot for USA. (Because USA, Rene, and we all want to see if the dood can deliver without Dick Wolf on his back. We’re rootin’ for ya, Rene.)
  • Oren Moverman & Anthony Swofford (THE MESSENGER and JARHEAD, respectively) are developing LAUGHS UNLIMITED, a drama about U.S. servicemen who return from duty in the MIddle East with PTSD, for HBO. (Because human time bombs are dramatic gold…and don’t think for one minute that the servicemen won’t be portrayed just that way. Yes, we’ll be happy to put our money where our mouth is.)
  • Tyler Perry (we figure you know what he’s done) is developing 2 shows for OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network he financially bailed out just a couple of months ago. THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS is a drama, and LOVE THY NEIGHBOR is a comedy. (Because if there’s anything Tyler knows about it’s having and not having and loving too. What? You don’t believe us? Hey, just ask him.)

Today’s TV Writing Deals Dept: 10/7/12

Old TV writing joke: “Know why TV writers brag about their deals? Cuz that’s all they have.” Think about it:

  • Tyler Perry (TYLER PERRY’s HOUSE OF PAYNE, MEET THE BROWNS) is writing and producing 2 new shows for OWN, in return for which he now has a very large ownership stake in the net. (Jeeze, nobody ever told us we had to buy our way into TV…and yet it definitely makes sense. Depressing sense, but sense.)
  • Douglas Segal (THREE KINGS) is writing a supernatural drama about a devil trying to save “compromised souls” for the CW. (Let that be a lesson to us all: No compromise! No surrender! Oh, that isn’t what it means?)
  • M. Night Shyamalan (THE SIXTH SENSE) & John Glenn (EAGLE EYE) are writing the pilot for LOST HORIZON for NBC. (Strangely, LOST HORIZON isn’t based on the book of the same name but on MOBY DICK. We figure somebody misread their high school reading list and still hasn’t been corrected.)
  • Ryan Murphy (GLEE, AMERICAN HORROR STORY, THE NEW NORMAL) is writing the pilot for MONTAUK, a conspiracy thriller, for Fox and an unnamed sitcom for NBC. (Yes, it’s true. We don’t even know this guy and we hate him. We really do. And if that isn’t the essence of showbiz, what is?)
  • Charley and Vlas Parlapanides (IMMORTALS) are writing THE CENTURIAN, about a Marine working with the angel of his best friend for CBS. (The way we hear it, the original pitch was about a Marine working with “the agent” of his best friend, but something got lost in the translation and who’s going to argue with a “Yes?”)
  • GIRLS creator Lena Dunham will be getting over $3,500,000 for her book of essays, Not That Kind of Girl, (because she’s got herself a very hot, in, and trendy series and why should she settle for less?)