Kathy Sees Twilight: Breaking Dawn 2

In which there was a whole lotta this:

and a tremendous amount of this:

mainly from Michael Sheehan. Thank you for being the only actor who seemed to understand the ridiculousness of the whole thing. There were also way too many

moments, which made me feel like this

while I was watching it.

I’m not a Twilight hater. I didn’t read the books, but have seen all the movies (I have two teen daughters) and I was actually looking forward to this one because I thought for sure it would be better than all the others, since it was the finale and everything.

Um, no. The only way you could possibly (and I sincerely mean possibly) make sense of this is if you watched the other movies. Even then it’s doubtful. And like the other movies, it dragged, had long, awkward pauses, weirdly spoken dialogue, and bad CGI effects.

Basically all these movies could have been boiled down into one or possibly two TV movies on ABC Family. Thus what ends up as an artistic nightmare translates in to billions and billions for Summit, the actors, and Hollywood. Blergh.


Just your average ordinary superhero

Full disclosure—I’m not a fan of Spider-man. Not because I’m arachnophobic.  I don’t mind spiders at all. Spider-man simply wasn’t one of my go-to superheroes. You know how you don’t like something just because? That would be me and Spider-man.

Now I’m a little more partial to the crawly dude since I saw THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN. Overall I found the movie enjoyable. The cast was good, the CGI wasn’t overwhelming or obvious, and as with all Marvel movies of late, the sequel set-up was there and not too ham-fisted. I might even watch this movie again, which I can’t say about too many other films.

And yet, there are a few nits to pick. The main one is the issue of backstory, aka the writer’s bane. How much previous information is too much? How to decide what is germane to the story you’re trying to tell? If you leave anything out, will the audience be confused? If you add more than you need, will the audience be bored?

In this case, a good half hour could have been cut from the first act without taking anything away from the story, and the tighter edit sure would have helped with the pacing. The movie starts off quick—Peter Parker’s parents disappear and no one knows why. Of course we the people know they know why, they’re just not telling. Then the story delves into the family drama of Peter as a gawky teenager still dealing with his parents’ disappearance, and the beginning of a crumbling relationship with the aunt and uncle who selflessly raised him. All good stuff—except it has almost nothing to do with the second and third acts. PP’s/Spidey’s vigilante revenge grinds to a nub once he realizes he’s causing problems for the police. Because all superheroes cause the po-po headaches, don’tcha know. And since he’s carrying a web-wrapped torch for the police chief’s daughter, this gangly, brilliant, agile, spandex-wearing emotional mess of a spider-bite-gone-wrong has to do the right thing—forget about catching his uncle’s killer and, uh, chase the big dinosaur.

An argument can be made that the family angst is pivotal to Spider-man’s development as a superhero. True, if that had been carried throughout the story. Instead it seemed like a chance for stunt casting Sally Field and Martin Sheen, who, while excellent in their roles, could have easily been five minute cameos and the message would have been the same: Spider-Man becomes the reluctant hero because of his uncle’s tragic death. It would have been better to use the first ten or fifteen minutes to show the backstory, then on to dinosaur chasing, web flinging, air swinging shenanigans. And don’t forget the impossible romance that must end in tragedy or the sequel will. not. happen.

Despite all that, I’m looking forward to Spider-Man 2, which according to imdb is happening in 2014. I’m just giddy about all these superhero movies, because for the most part, they are a blast to watch. I just hope the sequels to all the sequels that have been already sequelized don’t let me down.

Drew McWeeny Reads the ROBOCOP Remake Script

…And although he finds it funny, he isn’t amused.

ROBOCOP Remake Receives Scathing Script Review – by Matt Goldberg

I tend to stay away from script reviews.  Scripts go through multiple revisions, the movie can then undergo changes while filming, and then it can be further revised in the editing room.  The script is rarely a bible where every sentence and plot beat has to be followed to the letter.  That being said, I trust the word of HitFix‘s Drew McWeeny.  He’s covered this business for well over a decade, and he’s also worked as a screenwriter.  So when he went on Twitter yesterday and took apart the script for the RoboCop remake, it’s worth our attention.  To put it as lightly as humanly possible, Mr. McWeeny did not care for the screenplay.

Here are McWeeny’s tweets about the script for the Robocopremake:

I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno

I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.” Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!” So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval. So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*

Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously

Read it all

One problem here: Since we had absolutely zero expectations of the new ROBOCOP turning out interesting in any way, McWeeny’s tweets have actually piqued our curiosity. We like sitcoms, you know? And if it’s this ridiculous, so much the funnier.

What do you know – being a member of the Gen Y “everything sucks” gang has a something going for it after all.

Kathy sees IMMORTALS

The gods don’t interfere. Except when they do.

by Kathy Fuller

…Or as I like to call it, one hot sepia-toned mess. This movie is what happens when a director is so enthralled with his rad CGI concept he kicks plot, dialogue, characterization, and common sense to the curb. Oh, and thanks for making Henry Cavill look a decade older than he actually is, when he’s supposed to be playing a decade younger. What’s the point in watching this dreck if I can’t even enjoy the hot man lead actor?

One good thing about the movie: the last scene was kind of cool. Other than that, don’t waste your time. Sorry Henry–better luck with Superman.