Writer Rob Kutner, known for his work on The Daily Show, Conan, and The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, among other things, and our Beloved Leader, Larry Brody, often hang out in the same circles – online at least – and share a host of common friends on Facebook.
If you are a Rob Kutner FB follower – and why aren’t you? – you already know about this piece Rob did for The New Yorker recently. If you are, congratulations, you sure as hell know about it now!
by Rob Kutner
“Sal was the owner and sole proprietor of Sal’s Salumeria Salata, but, to us kids, he was more like Santa Claus. We’d drop by after school, and Sal would say, ‘Wait, bambinos, I got a little something for you in the back.’ Then he’d disappear for a sec and return with a special treat he’d pop right in our mouths—garlic knots, cannoli, cheesecloth, antifreeze, long rows of industrial staples—just whatever Sal had on hand that was fresh, no money accepted, no questions asked. In retrospect, maybe someone shoulda asked some questions.”
“Nobody was prouder of his Italian heritage than Wesleydale (the Italian Guy) Von Stroppenheimer IX. The I.G. was constantly hitting us with phrases from the old country, like ‘Oh! Solo mio?’ and ‘That is a spicy ball of meat!’ And good luck trying to stop him whenever a hydrant burst—he would rush outside to get into a splash war with the neighborhood kids, frolicking among the ice-cold jets of marinara….”