Munchman: Love This Post or I’ll Shoot My Dog

Munchman’s TV Musings #9
by Munchman

Well, m’luvs, it’s that time of year again. You know, the time when TVWriter™ visitors start writing nasty emails to their fave site (um, that’d be this one in case you forgot) about their un-fave writer – moi.

Yeppers, it’s taken 8 weeks, but we’re back to where we were a coupla years ago when Yer Friendly Neighborhood Munchman did that “Love and Money” column about new TV series in development and hordes of interweb critics complained about my “attitude.” That last time around I was young and full of spunk and – truth! – was one of the stars of a hit TV show under my supposedly real name (actually an agent-assisted stage name (but that’s another story) so I didn’t care what anybody thought about anything and pressed on until I was simply too busy.

Now, though, I’m unemployed, my latest true love has left me, my agent only calls to yell at me to stop calling her, and all I have is this teeny spot on the interweb to use as a way of keeping my dreams of life and professional success alive, so munchamaniac clearly has to not simply respond to the criticism but bow down before it.

Which means it’s time for this week’s list of recent TV biz happenings that I’m musing about…but without the musings in the hope that your lurve for me will be rekindled and I’ll be able to hang onto this underpaid and even more under-privileged gig until my next ship finally comes in and takes me to join King Arthur and the other saviours of empire on the isle of Avalon.

Here ya go (ya bastards!):

  1. Hot off the presses come the highly upsetting if not downright disgusting news that Jimmy Kimmel, the absolutely least like Oscar show host has in fact been announced as that very thing by ABC, which seems not to mind that Kimmel has never in his short, dull life had anything whatsoever to do with a successful or highly regarded film. Or, methinks, any film at all. Oh well, at least he isn’t Jimmy Fallon (who’s going to do the not-so-Golden Globes. Damn!).
  2. Speaking of saviours, Netflix, long regarded by many, including meself, as the potential Great and Welcome Redeemer of All That is Wise, Witty, and Wonderful about electronic entertainment, has announced that it in addition to the praiseworthy fact that it has 30 new scripted shows in development it will also be releasing 20 new unscripted series in the coming year. That’s unscripted as in “crap TV,” boyz and girlz. Or, to put it another way, instead of continuing to realize its potential as an intellectual and relevant entertainment oasis, Netflix is hedging its bets by going completely batshit regressive, and there’s nothing any of us can do to stop them except, of  course, refuse to watch shows like Ultimate Beastmaster, whatever the effing eff that is.
  3. Here’s one muncharello can’t wait to tell yez about: Lifetime, the absolutely dullest pseudo network on TV, except maybe for House & Garden, has announced a new showrunner for season three of its hit series (as in it’s one the critics haven’t slaughtered) UnReal. And that new showrunner is – drumroll – Stacy Rukeyser, who has been an executive producer of the show for a year already, and since she’s younger and energetic enough to tweet a bit now and then has probably been secretly doing the showrunner’s job anyway for several months now. So all us fans will never even notice the diff! If that ain’t one of the glories of Hollywood production, I don’t know what is!
  4. Now that we’re talking about the good side of life I’m happy to report that the U.K.’s Northern Writers’ Awards competition, sponsored by New Writing North is walking the “helping new writers” walk that so many U.S. orgz are just talking. The contest, which is oopen to new writers of fiction, non-fiction, children’s, Young Adult and even graphic novels, plus sholrt stories and poetry, offers £40,000 worth of prizes and is open till February 2nd of the coming year. Not a huge amount, but not exactly the proverbial chopped liver either…and the judges promise not to give any entrant any notes! More info on this route to a genuinely literary future is HERE.
  5. Last but not least, the munchamatic one wants to recommend a website to loyal genre TV, film, gaming, and even – gulp – book and short story fans everywhere. It’s called AllTimelines.Com and has lists and lists putting all episodes, books, stories, whatever of just about every established franchise known to the human race into timelines making it possible for fans who don’t know how to do their own research (ah! the joy of learnin’!) to experience all their faves in the right order. Cuz the Almighty forbid seeing Series 18 of, say, DOCTOR WHO before Series 3, right? These folks clearly have worked their ganootchkies off, and I’m as impressed as can be and so desperate for your approval and love that I recommend without reservation that ya getcherselves over to THIS SITE ASAP.  Don’t bother telling them who sent you. They never heard of me anyway.

That’s it for this week. The facts and nothing but the facts, unvarnished by the usual, and mucho unloved Muncher stain. Did it work for yez, huh? (Whaddaya mean, I editorialized? Did not, did not did not! At least not by munchical standards.) Seeya soonish with more musings about Love, Money, and the dirty job of writing for TV!