Category: TV Writing Deals

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/19/12

Latest News About Writers Doing Better Than We Are

  • Double Down: Game Change 2012, by Mark Halperin & John Heilemann has been bought by HBO. Book is a sequel to the original Game Change which was made into an HBO film starring Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin. (Does this mean Sarah will be back? We mean, that Julianne will be back? ‘Cuz for reasons having nothing to do with artistic merit that would be awesome!)
  • Ethan Sandler & Adrian Wenner (EPITAPH, THE PRINCESS DIARIES) are writing the AMC sitcom pilot WE HATE PAUL REVERE, set in colonial Boston and about 2 brothers who aren’t big Paul Revere fans. (Does this mean Paul Revere & The Raiders, our parents’ favorite ancient rock band, will be coming to TV? ‘Cuz for reasons having nothing to do with our hard-on for Sarah Palin, that would be awesome!)
  • Unknown Writer (this could be your/our big chance) will soon be writing the ABC Family pilot RECOVERY ROAD, based on Blake Nelson‘s novel of the same name about a teenage girl who finds love at rehab. (Does this mean that idiotic relationships are coming to TV? ‘Cuz that could justify a lot of existences, including our own!)
  • Stacey Jay is writing JULIET IMMORTAL, an adaptation of her book by the same name describged by the H’wood Reporter as “a paranormal love story revolving around Romeo and Juliet, who meet again…as enemies.” (Yes! Idiotic relationships are indeed in, hip, and trendy now on the small screen. Our miserable lives here at TVWriter™ are now totally justified!)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/17/12

Latest News About Writers Who’re Doing Better Than We Are

  • Paul Scheuring (PRISON BREAK) is set as the main writer for KLONDIKE, a Discovery miniseries based on the novel Gold Diggers: Striking It Rich in the Klondike,” by Charlotte Gray. (It’s a scripted series! On Discovery! An awesome inroad for fiction! So you’re not going to hear one lick of disappointment about the premise. We mean it. Not one.)
  • Chuck Lorre (all you favorite/least favorite sitcoms) & Eddie Gorodetsky (TWO AND A HALF MEN) & Gemma Baker (TWO AND A HALF MEN) have written MOM, a sitcom about a single mother for CBS. (To be precise, this show is about “a recently sober single mother as she attempts to get her life in order.” Because, we suppose, CBS knows all about how much fun kicking drugs and rebooting your life can be.)
  • Charles Randolph (LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS) & Sharyn Rothstein (the stageplays ALL THE DAYS and QUEEN BEE among others) are writing the pilot for the drama MOGULS for Bravo. The show is about a media mogul and his family. (Because, we also suppose, Bravo doesn’t understand how much heat News Corps’  Murdoch family will turn on under, over, around, and inside them.)
  • John Wirth (V, THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES) is taking over as showrunner of AMC’s HELL ON WHEELS from Anson Mount, who was taking over from Joe & Tony Gayton. (The language of the various departure announcements indicate that everybody who is leaving was fired so, good luck, John Wirth. Happy politicking!)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/14/12

Latest News About Writers Doing Better Than We Are

  • Bridget Tyler (BURN NOTICE) is writing the USA pilot HORIZON, a science fiction show set during World War II. (Because, evidently, network executives think the current generation of TV viewers, who’ve barely even heard of WWII will care.)
  • Unknown Writer (um, do we really have to explain why we aren’t putting some credits in here?) will soon be writing the ABC pilot BASTARDS, about a Cuban-American family that discovers the family patriarch had a child with the family’s maid decades ago. (Because network executives think Ahnold has made maid-shtupping cool?)
  • Philip Gawthorne (EASTENDERS, among other UK shows) is writing the pilot for the drama HUMAN ERROR for Starz. The show is about a “synthetic” human detective in the near future. (Because Data is the most popular member of the cast on all versions of STAR TREK re-runs. Or not.)
  • Gideon Raff (Israeli version of TYRANT) has written the pilot for, yes, a U.S. version of the same show for FX. TYRANT tells what happens to a modest American family when it’s drawn into the conspiracies of a “turbulent Middle Eastern nation.” (Why is FX bothering to make the family American when this show is clearly going to be all about Israel? Could it be because U.S. audiences are considered the most xenophobic in the world? Hmm?)
  • Robert Zemeckis (BACK TO THE FUTURE) is reviving his feature film, DEATH BECOMES HER, a comedy about 2 bitchy women who take an eternal youth serum and must live forever with its consequences, as a drama for Bravo. (Why a drama? Because making it a sitcom would be too sane an idea, of course!)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/10/12

Latest News About Writers Doing Better Than We Are

  • Mike Judge (KING OF THE HILL) is is writing the HBO pilot SILICON VALLEY, where, according to the press release “the people most qualilfied to succeed are the least capable of handling success.” (What a straight line! So many ways to mock it! So much irony going to waste. But we refuse to give in to the temptation. Refuse, we say!)
  • Carl Binder (STARGATE) & David Titcher (THE LIBRARIAN) are writing the ABC pilot WEIRD DESK, which is described as a series “which has a paranormal focus, tracks an organization taking on mysterious cases that have been redirected from the CIA and the NSA.” (Guess they think that THE X-FILES team can’t sue because the show doesn’t also name the FBI, but guess what, ABC? Yeah, your derivative POS – that’s “piece of shit” to those not into acronyms – will not be weirdly immune to justice, we predict. Oh no, did we just go too far?)
  • Quick, call your agent ‘cuz there doesn’t seem to be a writer attached, just a producer named Jennifer Love Hewitt: Lifetime is developing MRS. G’s BIGGER LOVE  about a female polygamist “who attracts a book agent and fame.” (Actually, we think we know why there’s no writer. Everyone they went to turned it down. They must have, dammit. Jesus!)
  • Another project listed without a writer is ABC’s sitcom JENNI, starring Jenni Rivera, a “Mexican-American Singer who has sold 20 million albums, according to the announcement. In this stale piece of crap, the star plays a single Latina woman who is both raising her family and running a business. (Do the words, “Please, somebody, shoot me now” sound too harsh?)

Love & Money Dept – TV Writing Deals for 12/8/12

Latest News About Writers Doing Better Than We Are

  • Liz Tigelaar (LIFE UNEXPECTED) is redoing her ABC drama pilot JONESES for Bravo. (A family with a secret moves to the burbs. Ooh!)
  • Krista Vernoff (GREY’S ANATOMY) is writing the pilot for RITA for Bravo, which will be adapted from a Danish drama series. (A teacher raises her teenage children while facing such vicissitudes as bureaucracy and overprotected parents at her schoo. Ooh, ooh!)
  • Michael Caleo (the upcoming MALAVITA) is writing a pilot for a rebooted version of IRONSIDE for NBC. (Genius cop in wheelchair torments his team by actings even jerkier than Dr. House while solving crimes. Oy!)
  • Alex Winter (actor in BILL AND TED, etc.) & Steven Pearl (?)  are writing the pilot for RIGHTS OF BILL for AMC. (Small town sheriff creates his own militia, becoming an outlaw while remaining a lawman. (Oy, oy!)

Sorry. We were working toward a punchline here with the “ooh” and “oy” thing, but it didn’t pan out because we couldn’t find our ending “Ahh.” Depressing, isn’t it? Hmm, wonder if instead of done deals we should write about the concepts that didn’t get sold? Like, you know, the good ones?