by Larry Brody
Just what you need to start off the week: 18 non-rules (because the Brode doesn’t believe in rules) guaranteed to bring your beloved pet TV or film project to a lowly and humiliating end.
1. Start without an outline and wing it.
2. Don’t bother having a central theme.
3. Don’t bother having a central problem.
4. Keep everyone peaceful and avoid conflict at all costs.
5. Have your characters talk and talk and talk.
6. Make sure that key events happen off camera.
7. Start without an outline and wing it.
8. Make your dialog totally realistic, plain, and dull.
9. Don’t write anything that hasn’t been seen before.
10. Have lots of chase scenes.
11. Better yet, make the whole script one long chase.
12. Start without an outline and wing it.
13. Create characters not even a mother could love.
14. Remember that a joke isn’t funny unless you’ve already laughed at it in another movie.
15. Make all your characters victims adrift in the sea of fate.
16. Use lots of fancy descriptive phrases like “adrift in the sea of fate.”
17. Make sure all your characters fail.
18. Did I say to start without an outline and wing it?
There you go!
Want to thank me? It’s easy. Simply do not – I repeat, do not – succumb to any of the writing temptations listed above.