EDITOR’S NOTE: Check out Part 1 and Part 2 for more of Anansi’s thoughts on this topic.
Because our world has certain expectations for men and women, including that they will be attracted to one another, we as a people are prevented from getting to know ourselves and our desires without this standard invading our thoughts and feelings.
To understand our world, let’s take a look at one that’s supposed to be far different from ours.
As mentioned in my previous post, relentlessly hammering every show we watch with some tale of love and sex between ‘opposite sexes’ claims this as the natural way of things, and all of the baggage that carries with it, without ever examining the validity of the concept of heterosexuality or its power dynamics.
Heterosexuality as we know it today comes with built-in sexism. It comes in the form of societal expectations that pigeon-hole men and women into specific roles when in relationships with one another. Some examples include: the assumption that a man should be the one to buy a diamond and propose to a woman. It is the assumption that a woman will take a man’s last name when they marry. The idea that a man must be the primary breadwinner or he’s failed or been ’emasculated’. These, at least on the surface, are some of the more benign examples. The list is endless.
All of this is built into heterosexuality even if specific individuals eschew it. It’s a part of our collective agreement of how these relationships work. There are people who still vehemently defend this way of life. Although some may find that this works best for them, it’s the unquestioning acceptance of heterosexuality as ‘normal’ and ‘right’ that produces problems.
Mary: I’ll bet Romeo marries his Juliet.
Jimmy: They have a baby…
Mary: …and make lots of friends!
Mary & Jimmy: That’s prob’ly the way the play ends.
Here’s a story. There was a boy, and there was a girl. Can you fill in the rest? Did you think ‘they get together’? On TV and in film, most of the time, you’d be right.