Peggy Bechko’s Thanksgiving Rant

TOPSHOT - A road sign Warning Against pedestrians focusing on their smartphones is pictured on February 2, 2016 near the old town in Stockholm. / AFP / JONATHAN NACKSTRAND        (Photo credit should read JONATHAN NACKSTRAND/AFP/Getty Images)

by Peggy Bechko

The time here is usually spent in writing about writing and writers – novels, screenplays, short stories, articles, whatever.

But today we’re very near Thanksgiving in the U.S. and I think I’m going to rant. Yep, the holidays are nearly upon us, first the giving of thanks, then the jolly days ahead.

I just returned from a short get-away trip and I watched all those people wandering around, staring at cell phones in their hands without looking up, stumbling into traffic, walking in front of buses, tripping off curbs and slamming into fellow pedestrians, blocking walkways and doorways and I though, hell yes, they have a lot to be thankful for!

Really, why didn’t that bus hit you after slamming on its brakes? That’s a lot of weight behind that bus and it’s only by the grace of the universe that you weren’t road kill.

Tripped off the curb staring at that stupid device in your hand? Lucky you didn’t break something. But no, you got right back up and ‘climbed back on the horse’ so to speak as you immediately began texting again stumbling off like a baby just learning to walk.

The constant bumping into others who AREN’T texting or babbling on their own phones is more than annoying and that one guy you ricocheted off of looked like he wanted to punch out your lights. I have to admit, at that point, I might have laughed myself if I hadn’t been busy dodging another texting while pushing a luggage cart straight at me.

And what about the incredible idiots who are texting when they drive a car? What? Do you think at the moment of impact you won’t die, but will instead be beamed up ala Star Trek to some safe zone where you can continue texting?

Truly people, why do you think the entire world should be responsible for dodging you, looking out for you, trying to prevent you from becoming a smudge on the road or a splat on the sidewalk?

As a writer I bet many of you can consider how a writer might do these irritating text and call zombies in.

How many times have I envisioned said zombie phone user being jumped by an actual zombie and have their brains eaten out?

How many times have I thought how cool it would be for a staggering texter to be sucked right into that device and flung into a distant dimension?

Is there a special hell for the rude and obnoxious cell phone user who’s carrying on a conversation with you one moment, then totally ignoring you the next as he or she takes a call that’s ever so much more important than conversing with you face to face? You bet there is! In a writer’s imagination you’re frying in a brand new ring of Dante’s hell – one created exclusively for your ilk.

Maybe the aliens could gain control of the staggering texters via their cell phones and use them to destroy the earth. Think of it. The Aliens, orbiting the earth, send hypnotic text messages and all of a sudden all the staggering texters are alert, aware, and moving with clear-eyed purpose to do their masters’ bidding. But wait, their mission would probably be to do the rest of us in.

On, on another level how about a comic villain who can ‘surf’ the world by using actively texting phones to teleport from one place to another with ease, diving into one text phone and blasting out another at his destination.

This is the season of Thanksgiving so I guess whether you’re a texter in a stupor or a writer thinking up ways to do them in there’s always something to be thankful for.

Have a great holiday folks in the US – and if you’re not, the day is yours to enjoy anyway.

Peggy Bechko is a TVWriter™ Contributing Editor. blog. Learn more about her HERE. Peggy’s new comic series, Planet of the Eggs, written and illustrated with Charlene Brash-Sorensen is available on Kindle. And, while you’re at it, visit the Planet of the Eggs Facebook page and her terrific blog.