by Larry Brody
I started off the week here by talking just a bit about the upcoming Fall TV shows I’m excited about watching. Doing that has gotten me so carried away that I can’t resist saying a few words in the opposite direction.
So here they are. Upcoming series I’m so certain I can’t possibly like that I’m not even tempted to give them a look, with a few comments on why.
- Almost Family – Fox. Here’s the logline that’s keeping me from coming within 100 yards of this show. “Heartwarming comedy-drama about a fertility doctor uses his own sperm without his clients’ knowledge to father countless children.” Sorry, but there’s no such thing as heartwarming comedy about an act that is for all practical purposes rape.
- Nancy Drew – The CW. This one has three big negatives going for it. 1) It’s based on the inane Nancy Drew book series that no child I knew could ever bring him/her self to read. 2) In keeping with the tenor of the times, it’s “dark and dirty.” 3) It’s a John Schwartz-Stephanie Savage production whose previous crowning glory was The O.C., which I spent a few minutes rolling my eyes at uncontrollably back in 2003.
- Batwoman – The CW. As a comic book fan for over half a century, I’ve made it a point to watch, or try to watch, at least one episode each of The C.W.’s various superhero shows and have found even the ones some critics admire to be horrendously written, with an exaggeratedly simplistic view that makes my brain burn. Nothing I’ve heard has suggested this series will be any different.
- Dangerous Liaisons – Starz. With my old friend (and former agent) Chris Albrecht no longer running Starz, I have no confidence in the quality control there. And in this day and age, who in the audience could possibly be shocked by, or even care about, a couple of Jeffrey Epstein wannabes who get their kicks by seducing other men and women and ruining their lives.
- Snowpiercer – TBS. The film was a horrendous and incoherent stinker that even the gloriously freaky Tilda Swinton couldn’t save, and she’s positioning herself even further from the series than I am, so what’s to watch?
- The Man Who Fell To Earth – CBS All Access. Two words – Alex Kurtzman. I mean, c’mon!
- Wu Assassins – Netflix. I love me a good martial arts film as much as the next kid, but my kids outgrew Power Rangers years ago so why would I watch a pretentious imitation?
- The Falcon and the Winter Soldier – Disney Plus. Marvel, Disney, and even Netflix have never gotten any of the Marvel characters right on TV, mainly because with the exception of Jennifer Jones they’ve always opted for action choreography over writing. Put Melissa Rosenberg in charge, people and maybe then I’ll watch. Maybe.
That’s it for my future TV non-watching. What about yours?