- Neil LaBute (THE SHAPE OF THINGS) is writing an NBC pilot for HARMONY HOUSE, a comedy about a mental institution. (We ask only one thing of this project – that it be as horrifying as it is funny. Cuz – and we aren’t saying how we know – that would make it, ahem, real.)
- Kay Canon (PITCH PERFECT) is writing THE RUNT, a CBS sitcom pilot about a, um, late bloomer and the effect her success has on family dynamics. (Cuz the ancient demographic that is the CBS audience is probably the only age group left that, you know, actually remembers what family is, let alone cares.)
- Glenn Gordon Caron (MEDIUM) will write the pilot for THE MIDDLEMAN, a Fox crime drama set in the ’60s. (Cuz God knows nobody wants to see anything taking place in the treacherous here and now we all live in. What? You think we’re exaggerating? Let us tell you a few things about life in 2013, mister…)
- Aseem Batra (ANIMAL PRACTICE) is writing the pilot for an unnamed NBC sitcom based on his life. (Cuz, hey, the life of a guy who wrote ANIMAL PRACTICE must be chock full of laughs, don’tcha know?)
- Craig Gerard & Matthew Zinman (HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER) are writing SEASON TICKETS, another NBC comedy pilot about, um, a guy who has season tickets to the Kansas City Royals games. (Wow, this has “winner” written all over it, no? So what if 98.5% of the population of, well, Kansas City for one place, doesn’t even know what sport the Royals play.)
- Aseem Batra (ANIMAL PRACTICE, SCRUBS) is writing the pilot for an NBC sitcom based on the life of reality star Rachel Zoe, who, of course, will produce (because the dullest known quantity is more interesting to NBC than the most exciting fresh idea).
- Annie Hendy (THE CATHOLIC GIRL’S GUIDE TO LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY) is writing the pilot for THE GEORGE CLOONEY MANIFESTO, a Fox sitcom about a young woman who tries to live her life to the fullest after being unlucky at love (because George Clooney’s name can sell even the oldest, tritest concept…as we’re seeing right now).
- Kayli Stollak (creator of the blog GrannyIsMyWingman.Com) & Donald Todd (SAMANTHA WHO?) are writing the pilot for a CBS sitcom based on Stollak’s blog (because the most inane semi-known quantity is more exciting to CBS than the freshest unknown concept).
- David Rosen (I JUST WANT MY PANTS BACK) is writing the pilot for GAVIN & STACY, Fox’s version of the BBC sitcom of the same name (because even a cancelled BBC series is more attractive to Fox than something nobody else has bought yet).
Congratulations, kids. (Um, can you e-mail us later about how to get in touch with you in time for staffing?)