For over 40 years people, upon hearing that I write-produce TV shows, have always – and I mean always, felt obligated to ask the not-very-musical question, “Why is television so bad?”
I hate this question for any number of reasons, starting with the fact that not only does it assume that the shows on TV are bad but also that I agree with that assumption. Which, for the record, I don’t.
Today, however, a Medieval Bestiary website I accidentally came across gave me an answer that I’ll be proud to reply with the next time the question is asked. My reply will be bullshit, of course, because I still don’t buy the negative assumption, but, hey, bullshitting is just another word for “writing fiction” anyway, and I think I’ve earned the right to live as well as work and think like a fiction writer by now.
So, speaking of bullshit, here’s my answer to “Why is television so bad?”
As in, per Bestiary.Ca, “The bonnacon is a beast with a head like a bull, but with horns that curl in towards each other. Because these horns are useless for defense, the bonnacon has another weapon. When pursued, the beast expels its dung which travels a great distance (as much as two acres), and burns anything it touches.”
That’s right, little doods. TV is constantly blasting out crap because the television industry is one gigantic bonnacon, and all that shit is our very bestest defense against those who love destroying creative people’s dreams.
Onward now to the next Most Frequently Asked Question: How do I get an agent?”
I’m thinking “Bonnacon” might work for that one too.