THE USUAL NOTE FROM LB: From the summer of 2002 to the spring of 2010, Gwen the Beautiful and I were the proud and often exhausted owners of a beautiful Ozarks property we called Cloud Creek Ranch.
In many ways, the ranch was paradise. But it was a paradise with a price that started going up before we even knew it existed. Here’s another Monday musing about our adventure and the lessons we learned.
Oh, and if y’all detect any irony, please believe me when I say it comes straight from the universe and not your kindly Uncle Larry B.
by Larry Brody
Last week I wrote about how not only I, but a great many others, have a certain memory problem: We remember things that may not have happened.
Now, as promised, here’s one more reader’s story, from a man I greatly respect. Namely, the Old Billionaire.
Our conversation took place where so many of them have, at the Mexican restaurant in Paradise. I had my usual three enchiladas with rice and beans. He chomped his way through two plates of taquitos and spoke with a confident look I hadn’t seen for quite awhile.
“My boardroom battles are over,” the Old Billionaire told me. “My son’s officially in charge of what he likes to call ‘The Empire,’ so whatever I say shouldn’t bottom out the business like it could’ve before.”
“Is that why you didn’t want to talk about what did or didn’t go on between you and your secretary?” I said. “Because of business?”
The O.B. swallowed a forkful of beans.
“Direct, as always,” he said. “Yep, business was one of the reasons I couldn’t be direct right back. But there was also another.”
“You’ve got my attention,” I said.
He pointed to his watch. “See this? My wife, Nettie, bought it for me a dozen years ago. She was all excited about gettin’ me Seiko’s first automatic, glow-in-the-dark wristwatch.
“I wore it everyday till it stopped running. Then we took it into the jeweler in Harrison, and I opined as to how I hoped it wasn’t gone forever because the newfangled mechanism was shot.
“The jeweler looked at me like I was nuts,” the O.B. went on. “’Nothing fancy going on here,’ he said. ‘All it needs is a new battery.’
“’That’s impossible,’ Nettie said. ‘I paid almost $300 because it didn’t have a battery.’
“The jeweler just opened up the case and popped one of those little batteries in. Presto! The watch was running like a top. Threw me for a big, wide loop, seein’ as I remembered how when I first got it I’d followed the directions about shaking my arm to get the thing going and how I wore it to bed to keep it from losing time. Now I was seeing—what? How all that’d been unnecessary?
“Nettie and I stared at the watch, and then a whole new set of memories entered my mind. Including her apologizing the night she gave me the watch because the place she went to was out of the self-winding model I wanted.
“By the time we got home the new memories had all kinds of details filled in, and I was almost believing ‘em. But Nettie still had just the original memory. She knew what she knew, and that what’d happened at the jewelry store plain didn’t make sense.”
The Old Billionaire stopped. “I know. You don’t get why I’m telling you this. So here it is. Months ago, when Nettie asked me pointblank if I’d been having an affair with my secretary I started to answer and then stopped.
“Because, all of a sudden, I had two sets of memories again. One saying I hadn’t. Another saying I had. And I didn’t know which memory was right.
“I started reading up on dementia and Alzheimer’s, looking for the answer and fearing the worst. I was scared, Larry B. Of losing not only my wife but also my mind.
“Then I read your column, and the big, heavy load I was carrying got a little lighter. I didn’t have to be afraid about being crazy anymore. I could go back to my old way of looking at things and be philosophical about the universe’s weirdness.
“And I could let myself open up to my wife. Tell her everything and hope that we could do what we’ve always done in our marriage…sort everything out together. So we talked. And talked. And we’re still talking. And whatever really happened between me and that other woman, it means nothing compared to what’s happening now between me and the woman I love.
“We’re feeling things about each other we haven’t felt in years. We’re looking deep into ourselves the way we should’ve during that time. It may turn out that I really am crazy, but as long as Nettie faces that with me, even losing my mind’ll be just fine.”
The O.B. finished his last taquito. Licked his lips. “So how’re things with you?” he said. “How’s life on the ranch?”
Having followed these in the past, I am glad to see the resolution. Nice job, Mr. B.
Grazi, Mr. O!