MELISSA & JOEY Just Won Some Weird Demographic

But we know it’s “highly coveted,” right?

We know who Melissa Joan Hart is, but who’re these other peeps?

ABC Family’s suggested headline says it all:

“Melissa & Joey” Ranks as Cable TV’s #1 Telecast at 8 O’Clock for the 10th Consecutive Week in Women 18-34 and for the 7th in Women 18-49;

Is the #1 Scripted Prime Cable Telecast in Women 18-34

Or to put it another way, the network’s figures say MELISSA & JOEY was the #1 cable TV show at 8 PM in the Adults 18-34 demo (420,000), Women 18-34 demo (376,000), Adults 18-49 (692,000) and Women 18-49 (534,000), and was the #2 scripted cable TV telecast in Females 12-34 (444,000). Among all cable programs for the night, “Melissa & Joey” was the #1 scripted cable telecast in primetime in Women 18-34.

Now this may not sound like big news to some, but the announcement carries serious repercussions for those of us slaving away at TVWriter™. For one thing, does this mean we’re going to have to watch the show now? And, more importantly, are we going to have to, like, review it? We could barely stand SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH, you know?

To be fair, we did watch the SABRINA cartoon show back in its day. And, okay! okay! when we were in elementary school we thought CLARISSA KNOWS IT ALL was sweet. (But that not only had Mel, it also featured some real writing.)

SATURDAY MORNING SLAM?

No, it isn’t an iHop breakfast. It’s something even more sinister:

TeamTVWriter Press Service has just learned (read “We got a press release”) that the WWE and Saban Brands have joined forces to produce SATURDAY MORNING SLAM, a kids show on the WC. It’s the first time in over a decade that the WWE has had a show in a kids time slot, and if that doesn’t prove that society is breaking down, nothing does.

Proving that these idiots people have absolutely no shame (as well as no taste and, certainly, nothing resembling good intentions when it comes to children) the announcement sees nothing wrong with the following statement:

WWE Saturday Morning Slam packs the riveting in-ring action, the larger-than-life WWE Superstars, and the WWE’s entertaining brand extensions into the fastest, most energy-filled half-hour on television. WWE Superstar profiles, behind-the-scenes footage and an exclusive WWE match every week will all combine to make WWE Saturday Morning Slam the perfect destination for the youngest viewers in the WWE Universe. The show will also include highlights from WWE’s Be a STAR anti-bullying campaign and other community initiatives.

Let’s get this straight. The show will expose kids who watch “Vortex,” the CW’s new Saturday morning kids’ TV block to bullying on such a high level that it actually fetishizes it but is going to save the kids’ sensitive souls by also including “highlights of WWE’s Be a STAR anti-bullying campaign and other community initiatives?”

We’re supposed to believe that the WWE is way into mitigating the harm it will cause its viewers’ psyches? Even though if its  attempts succeed and their audience stops idolizing bullies the whole company is finished/finito/gone?

Sure.

Hey, Vince McMahon, “WWE Chairman and CEO,” read our lips. (You do know how to read, don’t you?) “Fuck you.”

Or, in the words of Cynthia Cidre of Dallas, “I’d like to have more music.”

‘Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel’

Remember how comic books fans were all furrowed brows and sputtering talk back in ’09 when Disney absorbed Marvel? How the fans were worried that Disney would dilute/sully/demean/cheapen/totally screw the Marvel brand?

Remember how relieved fans were when the Marvel feature films stayed as fresh and exciting and authentic as the first IRON MAN had been after the new regime was in place?

How they/you/we heaved big sighs of relief and went back to cursing more important things, like the economy, Microsoft, and health care in the U.S.A.?

Well, it just might be time to start worrying again:

Or, in the words of MTV Geek’s Charles Webb:

Worlds collide as Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” Marsh’s kid characters cross over with the Marvel U…

Phineas and Ferb co-creator Marsh is providing redesigns to the Marvel Heroes and villains so that they’ll blend into Danville. No word on if the Avengers and Ultimate Spider-Man voice cast will be reprising their roles for the special event.

Now that Disney is embracing the inevitable collision between their stable of cartoon characters and the Marvel catalog, how long is it until we finally get a Disney/Marvel game mashup in the vein of Kingdom Hearts? Get on that, Disney.

As Jack Kirby’s mom might have said, “Oy!”

The Papparazzi are All Over ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

…Which makes us pretty damn happy:

         

         

No specific links here, sorry. But pics of the series, currently – finally! – shooting again are everywhere.

Will LUTHER’S “Alice Morgan” Get Her Own Show?

God, we hope so. She’s such a beautiful monster, what’s not to love?

‘Luther’ Creator Considering an Alice Morgan Spin-off Miniseries – by Allison Willmore

Fans of “Luther,” the British crime series starring Idris Elba as a moodily brilliant police detective working in what’s actually called the Serious Crime Unit, will know Ruth Wilson’s charismatic and creepy Alice Morgan character just as well as Elba’s John Luther.

Alice, another genius whose tendencies are significantly darker, is a psychopath who starts off as Luther’s antagonist (one who kills her own parents) but who develops a strange sort of friendship with the man. While circumstances and scheduling conflicts led the character to be written off the show, Variety reports that “Luther” creator and exec producer Neil Cross is in talks with the BBC to make a miniseries centered on Alice:

“We’re kind of thinking very loosely of a mix between ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’ and ‘The Last Seduction,’…I’d love to move between the London of ‘Luther’ and America.”

Wilson’s been busy with the upcoming “Anna Karenina” and “The Lone Ranger,” and Variety reports that she’s yet to have any major talks with Cross about the series, but Cross says that “Even if I didn’t sell this thing, I would still end up writing the miniseries… I’ve got storylines going around in my head like trains.”

Read it all

At least one of us here at TVWriter™ has been thinking about potential spinoff situations for Alice Morgan, much to her politically correct chagrin, so we’re happy to see that Alice’s creator is in the same boat. And that certain someone will probably sleep well tonight, dreaming of an ever-expanding Alice body count.

Waitaminnit! Isn’t the last name of DEXTER’s eponymously named hero also “Morgan?” We know Alice’s and Dexter’s parents are dead, but that wouldn’t keep them from being related. Crossover! Crossover! We want a DEXTER-ALICE crossover!

Mmm, delicious…