Serial Killer Struggles To Implement All The Great Ideas He Gets From TV

Warning: We believe that the following article is intended to be satirical, but this being the interweb, who the hell knows?


by the Breaking Burgh Blog

Despite never watching television as a child in the strict Quaker household he grew up, Leo (not his real name) went on to become one of the country’s most successful serial killers. In fact he only started watching television in college during the 1990s when a friend, who is since deceased, put him on to a new show called Law & Order.

“Jack McCoy was my favorite.”

He still tried to limit his viewing as he had been told all his life that it rotted your brain, but that all changed when Law & Order started using real life cases as the inspiration for their plot-lines.

 “There was something so neat about committing an unusual murder and then seeing Chris Noth try to solve it on Law & Order a few months later.”

He quickly became hooked on the show and, in time, its many spinoffs.

“I actually became a bit of a homebody, and this was also the time I met someone special.”

He became such a couch potato that he completely gave up his homicidal hobby – that is, until his girlfriend turned him on to a show called C.S.I.

“I was all – hold on – this is like nothing I’ve seen or done before. I have got to try that.”

Soon he was back in the saddle again, taking his cues from multiple network TV shows. He was killing as much as before, except, whereas previously he would prey on a broad cross-section of society, he now focused almost exclusively on sexy young women. But he was nearly put off the whole exercise when a new show called Criminal Minds started to air.

“Each week I would sit and wonder what sick twisted sadistic murder they were going to teach me how to execute this time. Whoever the writers are, they might want to think about getting some help.”

But despite his misgivings, he sucked it up and did his best to carry out the sordid schemes emanating from the screen.

“I felt I owed it to the actors who did such a great job. It took a while but eventually I started to enjoy it as much as straight-up killing.”…

Read it all at Breaking Burgh