Do You Belong to the Society of Amateur Time Travelers?

No? Hmm, maybe you should. Here’s what its members have been up to, courtesy of SomethingAwful.Com and Josh “Livestock” Boruff:

  • Society rival Brad caused Hitler’s mustache to revert back to the tiny square one again, instead of the thick cowboy mustache he’s always had.
  • Congratulations to Society member Ryan, who went back in time to finish high school.
  • Heads up: Society member Doug went into the future and watched the series finale of Breaking Bad. He is hereby ordered to remain quiet under threat of expulsion.
  • Society member Randy is recovering from a harrowing ordeal in which he was Shanghaied and forced to serve aboard a clipper ship for eight months in 1893. Society members are catching him up on all the comics he’s missed.
  • R.I.P.: Society member Terry was killed by the robot he brought back from the future. The one with the buzzsaw hands and laser-pointer eyes we all said was going to kill him.
  • Society member Ralph finally turned up. He traveled back in time to lose weight and get in shape. He managed to lose 7 pounds. Congrats Ralph!
  • Society member Doug has been placed on temporary probation after nearly erasing Shark Week 2010 from the history books.
  • R.I.P.: Society member Gerald was accidentally shot in the head by William S. Burroughs while playing a parlor game (charades).
  • Society Elders pooled their talents to finally erase the stubborn “Tesla’s Infinite Money Machine” deviation from history.
  • Society member Glen was able to recover Society member Ron’s severed head, which was being used as a football by Aztec warriors. Ron’s younger self has decided to cremate his future severed head out of respect for his future self
  • Society member Jeff accidentally brought King Tut to the present, where it turns out he is super, super racist.
  • Society member Ryan’s carelessness led to Juggalo clown makeup becoming hugely popular with 18th century French fops. This aberration has since been fixed.
  • A mistake that briefly caused Thomas Jefferson’s tomb to read “Cheese and Pepperoni” has been corrected by Society member Ryan.
  • Society member Taylor left his NASA t-shirt in Renaissance Italy, resulting in Italy winning the Space Race hundreds of years ahead of the United States.
  • Please utilize extra sensitivity around Society member Louis, who went back in time to try to fix the Star Wars prequels and accidentally caused himself to be born a girl.
  • R.I.P. Society member Tad, who tried to influence the course of history to more closely resemble Final Fantasy and was crushed under the weight of his own gargantuan hairdo.
  • Society member Travis has been reprimanded for briefly preventing human civilization from ever happening. He traveled back in time and appointed himself leader of a crucial hunter-gatherer tribe, which collapsed as a result of him trying to run it according to the teachings of Ron Paul.

munchman did a little time traveling himself awhile back, bringing Salma Hayek back to the Alamo, where she safely negotiated Santa Ana’s surrender. Without this extraordinary pair the Republic of Texas would never have become the world power it is today.